Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
