I'm so fucking centered right now
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
