Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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