everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
