Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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