i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
