This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
