I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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