please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
