Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
