my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
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Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
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Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
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