there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
