either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
