went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
