i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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