We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
