I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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