my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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