So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
