Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
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I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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