Swine flu is the new snow day.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
