girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
