Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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