I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
