I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
