At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize