oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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