i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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