The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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