The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
