dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
