just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
