I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize