Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
