doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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