i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
