he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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