she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Bring me that man meat
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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