Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
If I die, sorry about rent.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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