apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
vagina is talking i cant
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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