i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
