I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
