Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
