I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
