I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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