The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
