i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
