I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
