The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
