I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
