She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
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he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
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I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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