How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
