Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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