idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My life is pants optional.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
