I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
