i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
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I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
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Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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