it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
