Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
