i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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