Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize