when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
