Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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