where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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