So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
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